I wanted to do a quick post on tantrums after watching a kid repeatedly smacking his mom (on the arm) in the grocery store this weekend.  The kid was whining the whole time…  Holy-crap he was annoying!  The mother though, made me sick to my stomach.  She just ignored the behavior and did nothing to change it; she seemed totally oblivious, worn-down.  No parent should accept, not even for a moment, this kind of behavior from their kid.

So what would I have done?  The first time my child smacked my arm, I would have picked him up out of the grocery cart and started heading for the front door of the store (I’m guessing at this point that my kid would have that ‘oh-shit-now-I’ve-done-it’ look).  We’d continue to the car in the parking lot where my child would be returned to his seat as I said firmly, “You have a time-out.”  I would close the door and stand outside the car for the duration of the time-out.  Once completed, I would ask my young offender if they knew why they received the time-out.  I’d indicate that it is never acceptable to strike their parents.  Next, I’d ask if their behavior was going to change.  I would evaluate the current situation and make a decision to return to the store or head home.

I do believe that tantrums have to be actively addressed.  If you are going to ‘ignore’ the tantrum, do so consciously.  I don’t believe in outright ignoring my kid’s whining or tantrums.  I think it’s best to acknowledge their feelings, but to firmly reiterate my position.  Obviously, there are quite a few factors that go into how I’ll respond from there.  It depends on the situation, location, and severity of their whining.  I’ll usually warn them that they will get a time-out if they keep whining, etc.  If their poor behavior continues after that warning, they’ll get a time-out.  Other times, I find it best to let my kiddo know that I will listen to them when they are calm, then proceed to ‘ignore’ (as if you really can ignore it) their behavior.

There is a secondary benefit to responding this way to your kid’s tantrums and whining.  Young children learn more from their own observations than from being told.  By not displaying a strong reaction to your kid’s spazz-fest, your child will learn from your behavior.  They will learn that adults remain calm and thoughtful in difficult situations.  This concept will not ‘take’ unless you can consistently model this response to their poor behavior.  The hope is that in time, they too will model this behavior.

How about you?  What do you do?  What works for you when your child is having a tantrum?