A little over one month ago, I moved into my new home a single, divorced father.  My daughters, now ages six and three, spend nearly 50% of their time with me (the other time is spent with their mother).  Here are some of the things that I’ve learned about our new situation thus far…

From my point of view, I love the fact that I am no longer seeing or hearing my ex-wife as often as before.  This is a good thing for me (and I’m sure for her as well).  Though I really couldn’t care-less about her or the goings on in her life, I can’t take that tone in my girls’ presence.  They love their mom (and should) and the only person I’d be hurting by denigrating their mom is them.

Overall, I’m really quite surprised at how well the girls have been dealing with their new lifestyle; it’s not an easy thing for a child to have to split their time between two different homes.  My six-year-old has done pretty well.  During the daytime, I’ve noticed that she doesn’t mention her mother very much.  Night can be more difficult for her (there is something about the night that can let hard feelings in even for adults).  We’ve had some tough conversations at bedtime.

It’s hard on her.  She has told me that when she’s at Mom’s she misses me, and when she’s with me she misses her mom.  She has told me that she didn’t hear us fighting and asks if we will ever live in the same house again.  I hate it.  I do not sugar-coat my responses to these questions – I tell her that Mommy and Daddy will never live in the same house again (I’m not a jerk about it, but I don’t want to leave a door open for her to have false hopes that we will ever get back together).  I try to be as sympathetic to her as I can, and let her know that her Mom and Dad lover her very much.  Still, it’s tough knowing that nothing I can say is really going to fix things for her – only time and routine will do that.

I know that my three-year-old doesn’t really understand the situation.  She seems to be adapting fairly well, but I have noticed some pain in her as well.  It’s really tough for her because she can’t clearly express what she is feeling, nor does she understand completely why she feels the way she does.  She just knows that she misses having Mommy and Daddy in the same house. 

Both girls have done some acting out – they are fighting all the time.  It’s not easy to determine how much of it is related to their age, and how much is frustration with the situation.  I’ve have to be very patient with them.  All I can do is create a routine, stable home environment while constantly reassuring them and showing them love. 

What have you found in your situation?  How have your kids adapted to your divorce or changed living situation?