I don’t know why it is, but when I was a kid, having breakfast food for dinner seemed like a treat. To my mom, it was probably just a night off from having to cook a substantial meal for us, but regardless, I loved having breakfast food for dinner. It wasn’t like she dropped a bowl of cereal in front of us. We would have pancakes, or eggs and bacon, that kind of breakfast food.

Sometimes I’ll do similar for my kids, but I’ve changed it up a bit. Tonight, we had crepes for dinner. More specifically, we had fresh berry crepes. Here’s the simple recipe I use to make the crepes:

Ingredients

• 1 cup whole-grain all-purpose flour
• 2 eggs
• 1/2 cup water
• 1/2 cup milk
• 2 Tbs melted butter
• 1/4 tsp salt

Combine the flour and 2 eggs, then slowly add the water, milk, melted butter, and salt.  Mix gently until evenly blended.  Heat a non-stick pan on med-high heat for about 2 minutes.  Spray pan with cooking spray, then pour some of the crepe batter onto the pan (about enough to cover a medium-size pan).   Cook for about 2 minutes then flip and let cook for about 1 more minute.  This recipe should make about 6 crepes.

Using the method above, I’ll cook each crepe individually.  I keep the oven on low and keep the crepes warm as I finishing cooking more or them.

I place one of the crepes on an empty plate and add a handful of blueberries and raspberries.  Next, I add a dollop of low-fat, organic vanilla yogurt.  After that, I wrap the crepe up, spray a little whip cream on top, and sprinkle a few random berries and a small amount of powdered-sugar to garnish.  Voila!  The crepe is ready to serve.

I usually get nothing but rave-reviews from my really picky kids.  Bon appetit!

The single-parent is charged with many varied and vast duties. I get up in the morning and have to get my two young kids going. My youngest can’t even dress herself yet. My oldest seems to get sidetracked somewhere between dressing and brushing teeth and often ends up playing with the cats. Meanwhile, I’m getting my sorry-butt in the shower, shaving, and trying to find a pair of matching-BLANKING socks. I get the kids fed, and pack lunches and we’re off to school or daycare, or just daycare, or school and Grandma’s, or any other crazed-combination of destinations. Now, I get to fight rush-hour traffic to work.

I work a full day, then run a pickup-route that corresponds to whichever combination of drop-offs I had in the morning (all the while hoping I can remember where the hell my kids are). We get home and feed the cats, have some dinner, get whatever needs to get done (yeah, right), and hopefully have a few minutes to play, watch a movie, or read together. Then it’s baths and bedtime for the kids and maybe some time for me to clean up the piles of clothes, clean, and so on. Keep in mind that while this average-day is going on, I’m constantly breaking up fights, attending to boo-boos, trying to give individual, focused attention, and I am dead-ass tired because I stayed up too late posting on this site.

So sometimes, sometimes I get a bit tired and flustered – stressed. That was how I was today when I nearly put my hands around my mother’s neck and squeezed… hard.

“Dan, your father and I struggled all the time. Do you think it was easy for us?”

I flat-out told her I would choke her if she continued. You see, mom was a stay-at-home mom. She had time. There WERE enough hours in the day to tidy up the house, do laundry, cook meals, and be a caring and focused parent. When she got stressed out, Dad stepped it up and maybe took us out for a while. When one of them was slipping, the other picked up the slack. When one of them was looking for support, the other was there for support. They made a great team and excellent parents.

Sometimes I wish I had a team… or maybe an army.

My ex-wife and I have known that our daughter would probably have some anxiety issues.  In fact, we’ve known the probability was pretty good for about 5 years now (since our daughter was about 3 years old).   To some degree, I find a little bit of comfort in that fact.  At that point in time, we were a seemingly happy, married couple and she was our little peanut.  I suppose the comfort comes in knowing that our divorce did not cause this (though it certainly doesn’t help it much either).

Even as young as age 2 and 3, we could already see some of her anxious tendencies and characteristics.  They were not hard for either my ex-wife or I to spot.  It was like looking into a mirror.  We both had had anxiety issues for most of our lives.  For me, I was blessed with the gift of General Anxiety and Panic Disorder.  Good times.  Thankfully, these were not sustained issues throughout all of my years; they would pop in on me periodically to keep me in my place whenever things were going too smoothly.  Well, diarrhea ain’t the only thing that runs in your, um… genes.

My daughter is a beautiful soul…  She has the most gentle, caring demeanor.  She is wise far (way too far) beyond her years.  I remember laying in bed with her when she was just 2 years-old.  She had asked if Baxter (my brother’s dog) was in Heaven now that he died.  All of these fine tidbits were acquired from her slightly older cousins; Baxter had died a week or so before.  She asked me if she will see him again since he died.  I probably should have just said yes, I know she was only 2, but it just didn’t feel right to lie to her.  I told her no.  After a pause of about ten seconds, I could already see the next question on her face…  “Daddy, will you die?”  She asked me already getting choked-up.  Before I could even answer, she made the realization we all make as humans, but it was a cruel gift to give a girl so tender such a logical mind…  Through tears and a broken voice, came THE question, “Daddy, will I die?”  It was a harsh realization that no 2 year-old should ever have to make.  It is these characteristics, her sensitivity, her logic, and her caring-nature, that together, act as a perfectly blended rocket-fuel that allows anxiety to blastoff.

Here we are now, today.  She is 8 years-old and what could once be controlled, seems to run wild.  When my daughter gets overly anxious now, it is on the verge of panic (a panic that no amount of consoling or rationalizing can quell).  It is a brutal, helpless feeling to watch a loved one hurt so, but progress is already being made…  We stood in the pouring rain and stood strong for one-minute through wind, thunder, and lightning, an unheard-of possibility just two-weeks ago.  Most of the minute was spent with nervous giggles and complaints about getting wet.  I’m glad we didn’t get struck by lightning…

In Part 3 of this series of posts, I will provide the specific resources and activities we are doing to help my daughter cope.

I’m not a materialistic guy. I really don’t crave all the toys. It’s not something I say so you’ll think I’m above all that – I’m not. However, I do understand that one toy leads to another and so on… The toys and comforts in life aren’t all bad, they’re just not my greatest priority; they’d only bring me temporary happiness. Money can buy so much more.

Here’s how my happiness would be bought and increased 100%:

- I would no longer have to work at a job I hate and answer to people I loathe without worrying about paying the bills. +20% MORE HAPPY

- I would be able to focus my time around my kids’ days. No more scheduling or drop-off / pick-up issues. I’d have so much more energy to give them. +40% MORE HAPPY

- I could travel where and when I want, and often. +20% MORE HAPPY

- I could do things that actually make an impact in the world and bring a sense of value to my work (charity). +10% MORE HAPPY

- I could transport my kids to and from school and activities in my Porsche. +10% MORE HAPPY

What? I deserve the Porsche. Let’s just call it a sprinkle of necessary materialism… A busy single-dad’s gotta’ get around, right?

Gone are the days when mom and dad occupy the same home. The home we did share as a family is also gone. It was sold as part of a divorce settlement, something kids could care less about. All they know is that things are different now; things have changed, and not for the better.

There are no winners in divorce and usually the ones who lose the most are the kids. think about it, regardless of the surrounding circumstances, divorce is NOT a natural situation for children. Moms and dads are supposed to be together, caring for their children under the same roof. Having two separate homes and shuffling the kids between them is NOT easy on a child.

My ex-wife and I maintain separate homes and share custody of our kids on an alternating weekly (50/50) basis. We maintain two sets of just about everything including: clothes, toys, bikes, toiletries, and more. Though we work hard to make the situation the best we can for our kids, no matter what we do, they do not have that one, unified, consistent place to come home to. I believe much of my 8 year-old daughter’s anxiety is fueled by this.

In the coming days I will go further into the situation concerning my daughter’s anxiety issues. I will describe the actions that my ex-wife and I are taking to support our daughter. We are working together to help our daughter find the tools and skills she needs to help her manage her anxiety and worries. I’ll pass along the some resources and examples that will hopefully be of some use to you and your children. Stay tuned…

My local county Health Department announced two days ago that they have the much-sought Swine Flu (H1N1) vaccine. They gave a phone number in the local paper to call and set an appointment to receive the vaccine; I called non-stop for 30 minutes and only got a busy-tone. Within twelve hours, it was announced that all the vaccines were accounted for. There was clearly not enough supply to meet demand. The word is that more vaccine is due in in the next coming days.

The vaccines are currently reserved for those with underlying medical conditions that could be further complicated by H1N1. These folks are rightfully first-priority in the distribution of the vaccine. The only other group the vaccine is available for includes 6-month to 24-year-olds. Both of my daughters fall into this group. At this point, I am going to try to get them the vaccine, but like many parents, I am a bit apprehensive about doing so.

What worries me about this particular H1N1 vaccine is that it was produced so quickly – maybe too quickly. There was only limited, short-term testing done on the vaccine and that scares me. I don’t claim to understand the production or medical process behind the development of this vaccine (or any other for that matter), but it is hard to place your children’s wellbeing in the hands of strangers. It is hard to fully trust with so much at risk.

Will you have your children vaccinated with the Swine Flu (H1N1) vaccine?

I’ve heard people say that their goal in raising their kids is for them to grow to be happy, healthy adults.  I can understand that, especially the healthy part.  Not to sound cold, but happiness doesn’t pay the bills, does it?

I believe that happiness is a byproduct of being content.  Going further, I think contentment is the result of trusting in one’s self, or confidence. 

More than anything, I want to raise my kids to be confident – comfortable in their own skin.  I want them to face a difficult situation as a challenge, not a set-back. Confident kids grow into confident adults…

I have compiled the following list of 50 ways to teach your child confidence.  Please keep in mind that this is directed mainly to raising younger-children.   Here goes:

1. Tell them you trust them.
2. Ask them for their opinion.
3. Let them fail – teach them to learn from failure.
4. Show them the value of persistence.
5. Take their feelings into consideration.
6. Set clear boundaries.
7. Listen when they are speaking to you.
8. Don’t interfere when they are creating.
9. Smile at them – often.
10. Compliment them.
11. Give them chores and household responsibilities.
12. Set clear expectations of them.
13. Display their artwork (no matter how ugly it is).
14. Let them do the interior designing in their bedroom.
15. Show them it is healthy to compete.
16. Teach them to win gracefully.
17. Teach them to lose gracefully.
18. Look at them when they are speaking to you.
19. Knock on their bedroom door and ask if you can enter.
20. Play with them.
21. Let them pick out their clothes (no matter how ridiculous they look).
22. Show them the importance of being organized.
23. Respect their privacy.
24. Keep them involved in extra-curricular activities.
25. Don’t place too much emphasis on good grades.
26. Focus on educational efforts and experiences.
27. Give them their own calendar.
28. Know their friend’s names.
29. Know their favorites (colors, foods, books, etc.)
30. Ask them to read to you.
31. Reward their good behavior.
32. Be consistent with disciplining them.
33. Let them show you their interests – then guide them.
34. Show them by example what it means to be charitable.
35. Teach them the value of money.
36. Expect their respect and show them the same.
37. Let them take risks without cautioning them too much.
38. Let them work out non-physical sibling fights.
39. Teach them the difference between “wants” and “needs.”
40. Teach them to save for something they want.
41. Let them know they are a valuable member of the family.
42. Ask them questions about their day.
43. Eat dinner together as often as possible (with no TV).
44. Let them prepare dinner for you.
45. Let them “teach” you what they are learning in school.
46. Hug them.
47. Don’t try to fix everything for them.
48. Ask them for help (household tasks, projects, etc).
49. Surprise them – let them know they are special to you.
50. Tell them you love them – often.

I would love to know your thoughts…  Please drop a line in the comments section. 

Though much of the information here is directed to the single-dad,  we can definately learn from single-moms too!  Check out the new Single Moms Rock! Carnival for some great info – and an included post from OmniSwami

Take Care,   Dan

I wanted to run through a few of the tough divorce questions my six-year-old has asked recently. For each question, I’ve provided my desired response, and my actual response…

Why did you and Mommy divorce, I didn’t see you fighting?

• Desired Response:  Sweetie, when two people get married they make a really, really, really big promise called a “vow.” Mommy isn’t very good at keeping vows.
• Actual Response:  I know it’s hard for you honey… Mommy and Daddy felt it would be better if we weren’t married anymore. We think everyone in the family will be happier, but it will take some time to get used to it. I know it can’t be easy for you that Mom and Dad made this decision.

Do you still love Mommy?

• Desired Response:  I love your Mom about at as much as I’d love to have a really sharp, red-hot poker jabbed into my eye repeatedly. Your Mom truly is the antichrist.
• Actual Response:  I love your Mom for giving me you and your sister, but we don’t love each other like married people do.

Is Mommy still your friend?

• Desired Response:  No. Friends don’t pull the kind of crap your Mom pulled for the past 15 years. Your Daddy is an absolute imbacile for putting up with it so long.
• Actual Response:  Of course she is. We both love you and want to be there for you and that’s what friends are for. (Note how I redirected the focus with that statement).

Will you and Mommy ever live together again?

• Desired Response:  Well, since I’m not planning on going to hell when I die, I’m fairly certain that we won’t.
• Actual Response:  No sweetie, we won’t. I know that’s hard for you to understand, but it will get easier in time. (This is the worst – I hate saying it to her, but I don’t want her to have false hopes that we will someday reconcile).

Do you still like Grandma (ex’s Mom)?

• Desired Response:   I couldn’t stand her before your Mom and I got married.
• Actual Response:  Of course, and she loves you too. (Again, the redirection…)

I’m not a psychologist, but I think I handled things okay. My daughter seemed comforted and that’s all that really matters. I realized very early on in the divorce process that me tearing down their Mom was only going to hurt them (and ultimately me in the end). Be smart and be an adult about it.

You may deplore your ex, but keep it to yourself when the kids are around.

It can be tough being a single-dad sharing the custody of your kids. Today has been a tough day for me. My girls have been with their mother for the past few days and I miss them dearly. It’s way too quiet in the house without them.

This has been the single most difficult thing I have had to cope with. My divorce and the “loss” of my wife was a cakewalk compared to this. It’s hard when you want to see your child’s smile and hear their voice, but cannot. You are left with a feeling of loss and longing that no amount of snacking or comedy shows can satisfy.

After working all day, I was always excited to come home and see my girls. It made all the frustrations and stress of the work day worthwhile. It is challenging to find things to occupy or distract myself from that feeling. For now though, I keep their bedroom doors closed and do my best to put their things out of sight when they are away.

I imagine it will get easier in time – most things generally do. I hope so.