The vaccines are currently reserved for those with underlying medical conditions that could be further complicated by H1N1. These folks are rightfully first-priority in the distribution of the vaccine. The only other group the vaccine is available for includes 6-month to 24-year-olds. Both of my daughters fall into this group. At this point, I am going to try to get them the vaccine, but like many parents, I am a bit apprehensive about doing so.

What worries me about this particular H1N1 vaccine is that it was produced so quickly – maybe too quickly. There was only limited, short-term testing done on the vaccine and that scares me. I don’t claim to understand the production or medical process behind the development of this vaccine (or any other for that matter), but it is hard to place your children’s wellbeing in the hands of strangers. It is hard to fully trust with so much at risk.

Will you have your children vaccinated with the Swine Flu (H1N1) vaccine?

I’ve been reading many posts around the blogosphere about getting out of debt. There are posts on debt consolidation, debt management, debt counseling, consolidation loans, bankruptcy, and on, and on, and on…

I’ve read about working from home, getting a second job, selling off your silverware on EBay and the like. There are TONS of posts about cutting back on your spending and managing your money on a daily-basis (I’ve posted on some of these myself). There is some great debt advice out there, but an often unaddressed topic is mindset.

It’s not my intention to offend anyone when I say that there is often an underlying, unresolved emotional problem behind debt. I know, first-hand, that there are mental and emotional triggers behind bad financial decisions. I do understand that there are life-changing circumstances that can lead to terribly difficult debt problems (job-loss, death, divorce, illness, etc). Those are exceptional circumstances beyond the debt issues I am addressing today.

I’ve compiled a list of four personality traits that I believe will do far more to get you out of debt than 90% of the debt relief posts out there.  Before I begin, for the sake of clarity, I want to list the four traits that are poisonous to your progress. These traits/habits are self-defeating and need to be dropped right-quick if you plan to get your debt problems behind you. You should consider the traits below to be debt anchors:

• Laziness – I’m too tired to try, gonna’ watch the game.
• Procrastination – I’ll get to it later, not this weekend.
• Self-Pity – This is bad, nothing ever works for me.
• Acceptance – People carry debt, it’s just how it is.

By fully developing the following personality traits, you will begin to see major financial improvements in your life:

• Determination – I’m going to rid myself of debt by this time next year.
• Creativity – What resources do I have to get there?
• Persistence – This is taking longer than I thought but I’m getting there.
• Humor – When this is all over I’m going to charge a trip to the Bahamas to celebrate.

In the following days, I’ll post detailed profiles of the debt-reducing personal qualities listed above. I’d love to know your thoughts.  Stay tuned…

Dave

This really isn’t a flower – it’s actually a weed. There were a few that had purple heads left on them. I just happened to find the one that had this really pretty, vibrant fly (or bee?) on it.  I found the photo quite zen-like.

This photo proved to me that there truly is beauty in nature everywhere. This is probably one of my favorite nature shots, and it was taken ten feet from the train tracks in an urban environment. I’m glad I took the time to “smell the roses.” Enjoy

The template, in Adobe Acrobat format, is formatted for printing. I used a hole-punch and keep about 20 sheets in a small binder. Using the receipts I save, I record my spending in this log at the end of each day.

This isn’t rocket-science, but it is a good practice to keep you tuned into your budget and spending on a daily basis. Doing so will cut down on the number of “how-the-hell-did-I-spend-that-much” experiences you may have.

Daily_Expense_Template

I believe that happiness is a byproduct of being content.  Going further, I think contentment is the result of trusting in one’s self, or confidence. 

More than anything, I want to raise my girls to be confident – comfortable in their own skin.  I want them to face a difficult situation as a challenge, not a set-back. 

I have compiled the following list of 50 ways to teach your child confidence.  Please keep in mind that this is directed mainly to raising younger-children.   Here goes:

1. Tell them you trust them.
2. Ask them for their opinion.
3. Let them fail – teach them to learn from failure.
4. Show them the value of persistence.
5. Take their feelings into consideration.
6. Set clear boundaries.
7. Listen when they are speaking to you.
8. Don’t interfere when they are creating.
9. Smile at them – often.
10. Compliment them.
11. Give them chores and household responsibilities.
12. Set clear expectations of them.
13. Display their artwork (no matter how ugly it is).
14. Let them do the interior designing in their bedroom.
15. Show them it is healthy to compete.
16. Teach them to win gracefully.
17. Teach them to lose gracefully.
18. Look at them when they are speaking to you.
19. Knock on their bedroom door and ask if you can enter.
20. Play with them.
21. Let them pick out their clothes (no matter how ridiculous they look).
22. Show them the importance of being organized.
23. Respect their privacy.
24. Keep them involved in extra-curricular activities.
25. Don’t place too much emphasis on good grades.
26. Focus on educational efforts and experiences.
27. Give them their own calendar.
28. Know their friend’s names.
29. Know their favorites (colors, foods, books, etc.)
30. Ask them to read to you.
31. Reward their good behavior.
32. Be consistent with disciplining them.
33. Let them show you their interests – then guide them.
34. Show them by example what it means to be charitable.
35. Teach them the value of money.
36. Expect their respect and show them the same.
37. Let them take risks without cautioning them too much.
38. Let them work out non-physical sibling fights.
39. Teach them the difference between “wants” and “needs.”
40. Teach them to save for something they want.
41. Let them know they are a valuable member of the family.
42. Ask them questions about their day.
43. Eat dinner together as often as possible (with no TV).
44. Let them prepare dinner for you.
45. Let them “teach” you what they are learning in school.
46. Hug them.
47. Don’t try to fix everything for them.
48. Ask them for help (household tasks, projects, etc).
49. Surprise them – let them know they are special to you.
50. Tell them you love them – often.

I would love to know your thoughts…  Please drop a line in the comments section. 

Take care, Dave

Going through a contentious divorce is bad enough, but custody fights will truly bring out the worst in a person.  Peter Cook may be a less-than-desirable person, but fighting for your kids is a good thing for a guy to do.  Why?  Many fathers do take the coward’s path and walk away.

It is easier to cut a check to your ex-wife each month and pop-in to your kid’s life every other weekend.  It’s far easier than facing the tough reality of the situation you are in.  The situation that you had a part of putting your kids in too.  That’s no father, and that certainly is no way to be a man.

A real father and man fights for his kids.  He fights until he exhausts every monetary, physical, and mental resource he has – then keeps fighting.  He fights until it kills him (and it may very well kill him in time).  Why?  Kids need their fathers in their lives and fathers are entitled to be there for their children.  Fathers are the other equal half of the parental equation.

My ex-wife continues to amaze me me with her sense of entitlement.  She has told me many times throughout our divorce and after, “I am their mother.”  Now, I realize that that is the case and that she too has an inherent right to be there for our children.  I do, however, find the context in which she has repeatedly used this phrase to be disgusting.  This is her only defense when she argues that she should have more time with our children than I.  She states this as if it is a given fact that mothers are MORE entitled.  Wrong.

I can accept that there are usually very valid arguments that underlay many stereotypes.  Historically, mothers have been the primary care-givers and nurturers in the family.   Women have worked hard to break in to the workplace.  Now, right now, men need to stand up and make it known that the traditional, stereotypical role of the father has forever changed.

What about you?  Father or mother, what have you encountered during your custody fight?  I’d love to hear your story.

Best, Dave

I wanted to post a copy of the form I use to track the never ending exchange of childcare payments between my ex and I.  Because my ex and I have a 50/50 shared custody agreement, we are each always needing to exchange money for half of the child-related payments we make.

In my particular situation, my ex and I use the same bank and have a joint checking account we use to exchange money quickly.  If I owe her, I transfer the owed amount into the joint account from my individual account (which she cannot see or access), she then withdraws then transfers that cash into her individual account (which I cannot see or access).  It is the same process in reverse when I am owed money.

This lifestyle is a busy one, and payments made or due can easily be overlooked or forgotten.  For this reason, it is best to NOT depend on your memory (or your ex’s) to track payments.  Even if you and your ex have an amiable post-divorce relationship, that can quickly sour when money comes into question.

The following shared custody payment log is in Microsoft Excel format. It is a payment template that you should feel free to modify to suit your personal situation.  You may want to give a copy to your ex too (or not).

Please let me know if you have any questions or if I can help you with the template.

Shared-Custody-Payments-Log

Take care, Dave

According to what I’ve read, teacup pigs do make great pets.  

How cute are Teacup piglets?  They are so cute that they probably live in the constant danger of being hugged to death.  Take a look: 

Cute 'lil Teacup piglet

Sadly, it appears that there are not too many in the US – yet.  They are selling like little pork sausages (sorry ’bout that) in the U.K. though.  From what I hear, they’re not cheap either; buying one could easily set you back $1,000 – if you can even find a teacup piglet for sale because demand is high.  Yikes!  That does take some of the cuteness away I’m afraid. 

I’m being very cautious to not let my daughters see or hear of them.  It wouldn’t take too much convincing for me to drop $1k on a little guy.

Take Care,   Dave

Why did you and Mommy divorce, I didn’t see you fighting?

• Desired Response:  Sweetie, when two people get married they make a really, really, really big promise called a “vow.” Mommy isn’t very good at keeping vows.
• Actual Response:  I know it’s hard for you honey… Mommy and Daddy felt it would be better if we weren’t married anymore. We think everyone in the family will be happier, but it will take some time to get used to it. I know it can’t be easy for you that Mom and Dad made this decision.

Do you still love Mommy?

• Desired Response:  I love your Mom about at as much as I’d love to have a really sharp, red-hot poker jabbed into my eye repeatedly. Your Mom truly is the antichrist.
• Actual Response:  I love your Mom for giving me you and your sister, but we don’t love each other like married people do.

Is Mommy still your friend?

• Desired Response:  No. Friends don’t pull the kind of crap your Mom pulled for the past 15 years. Your Daddy is an absolute imbacile for putting up with it so long.
• Actual Response:  Of course she is. We both love you and want to be there for you and that’s what friends are for. (Note how I redirected the focus with that statement).

Will you and Mommy ever live together again?

• Desired Response:  Well, since I’m not planning on going to hell when I die, I’m fairly certain that we won’t.
• Actual Response:  No sweetie, we won’t. I know that’s hard for you to understand, but it will get easier in time. (This is the worst – I hate saying it to her, but I don’t want her to have false hopes that we will someday reconcile).

Do you still like Grandma (ex’s Mom)?

• Desired Response:   I couldn’t stand her before your Mom and I got married.
• Actual Response:  Of course, and she loves you too. (Again, the redirection…)

I’m not a psychologist, but I think I handled things okay. My daughter seemed comforted and that’s all that really matters. I realized very early on in the divorce process that me tearing down their Mom was only going to hurt them (and ultimately me in the end). Be smart and be an adult about it.

You may deplore your ex, but keep it to yourself when the kids are around.

Take care, Dave