My ex-wife and I have known that our daughter would probably have some anxiety issues.  In fact, we’ve known the probability was pretty good for about 5 years now (since our daughter was about 3 years old).   To some degree, I find a little bit of comfort in that fact.  At that point in time, we were a seemingly happy, married couple and she was our little peanut.  I suppose the comfort comes in knowing that our divorce did not cause this (though it certainly doesn’t help it much either).

Even as young as age 2 and 3, we could already see some of her anxious tendencies and characteristics.  They were not hard for either my ex-wife or I to spot.  It was like looking into a mirror.  We both had had anxiety issues for most of our lives.  For me, I was blessed with the gift of General Anxiety and Panic Disorder.  Good times.  Thankfully, these were not sustained issues throughout all of my years; they would pop in on me periodically to keep me in my place whenever things were going too smoothly.  Well, diarrhea ain’t the only thing that runs in your, um… genes.

My daughter is a beautiful soul…  She has the most gentle, caring demeanor.  She is wise far (way too far) beyond her years.  I remember laying in bed with her when she was just 2 years-old.  She had asked if Baxter (my brother’s dog) was in Heaven now that he died.  All of these fine tidbits were acquired from her slightly older cousins; Baxter had died a week or so before.  She asked me if she will see him again since he died.  I probably should have just said yes, I know she was only 2, but it just didn’t feel right to lie to her.  I told her no.  After a pause of about ten seconds, I could already see the next question on her face…  “Daddy, will you die?”  She asked me already getting choked-up.  Before I could even answer, she made the realization we all make as humans, but it was a cruel gift to give a girl so tender such a logical mind…  Through tears and a broken voice, came THE question, “Daddy, will I die?”  It was a harsh realization that no 2 year-old should ever have to make.  It is these characteristics, her sensitivity, her logic, and her caring-nature, that together, act as a perfectly blended rocket-fuel that allows anxiety to blastoff.

Here we are now, today.  She is 8 years-old and what could once be controlled, seems to run wild.  When my daughter gets overly anxious now, it is on the verge of panic (a panic that no amount of consoling or rationalizing can quell).  It is a brutal, helpless feeling to watch a loved one hurt so, but progress is already being made…  We stood in the pouring rain and stood strong for one-minute through wind, thunder, and lightning, an unheard-of possibility just two-weeks ago.  Most of the minute was spent with nervous giggles and complaints about getting wet.  I’m glad we didn’t get struck by lightning…

In Part 3 of this series of posts, I will provide the specific resources and activities we are doing to help my daughter cope.

Gone are the days when mom and dad occupy the same home. The home we did share as a family is also gone. It was sold as part of a divorce settlement, something kids could care less about. All they know is that things are different now; things have changed, and not for the better.

There are no winners in divorce and usually the ones who lose the most are the kids. think about it, regardless of the surrounding circumstances, divorce is NOT a natural situation for children. Moms and dads are supposed to be together, caring for their children under the same roof. Having two separate homes and shuffling the kids between them is NOT easy on a child.

My ex-wife and I maintain separate homes and share custody of our kids on an alternating weekly (50/50) basis. We maintain two sets of just about everything including: clothes, toys, bikes, toiletries, and more. Though we work hard to make the situation the best we can for our kids, no matter what we do, they do not have that one, unified, consistent place to come home to. I believe much of my 8 year-old daughter’s anxiety is fueled by this.

In the coming days I will go further into the situation concerning my daughter’s anxiety issues. I will describe the actions that my ex-wife and I are taking to support our daughter. We are working together to help our daughter find the tools and skills she needs to help her manage her anxiety and worries. I’ll pass along the some resources and examples that will hopefully be of some use to you and your children. Stay tuned…

I’ve heard people say that their goal in raising their kids is for them to grow to be happy, healthy adults.  I can understand that, especially the healthy part.  Not to sound cold, but happiness doesn’t pay the bills, does it?

I believe that happiness is a byproduct of being content.  Going further, I think contentment is the result of trusting in one’s self, or confidence. 

More than anything, I want to raise my kids to be confident – comfortable in their own skin.  I want them to face a difficult situation as a challenge, not a set-back. Confident kids grow into confident adults…

I have compiled the following list of 50 ways to teach your child confidence.  Please keep in mind that this is directed mainly to raising younger-children.   Here goes:

1. Tell them you trust them.
2. Ask them for their opinion.
3. Let them fail – teach them to learn from failure.
4. Show them the value of persistence.
5. Take their feelings into consideration.
6. Set clear boundaries.
7. Listen when they are speaking to you.
8. Don’t interfere when they are creating.
9. Smile at them – often.
10. Compliment them.
11. Give them chores and household responsibilities.
12. Set clear expectations of them.
13. Display their artwork (no matter how ugly it is).
14. Let them do the interior designing in their bedroom.
15. Show them it is healthy to compete.
16. Teach them to win gracefully.
17. Teach them to lose gracefully.
18. Look at them when they are speaking to you.
19. Knock on their bedroom door and ask if you can enter.
20. Play with them.
21. Let them pick out their clothes (no matter how ridiculous they look).
22. Show them the importance of being organized.
23. Respect their privacy.
24. Keep them involved in extra-curricular activities.
25. Don’t place too much emphasis on good grades.
26. Focus on educational efforts and experiences.
27. Give them their own calendar.
28. Know their friend’s names.
29. Know their favorites (colors, foods, books, etc.)
30. Ask them to read to you.
31. Reward their good behavior.
32. Be consistent with disciplining them.
33. Let them show you their interests – then guide them.
34. Show them by example what it means to be charitable.
35. Teach them the value of money.
36. Expect their respect and show them the same.
37. Let them take risks without cautioning them too much.
38. Let them work out non-physical sibling fights.
39. Teach them the difference between “wants” and “needs.”
40. Teach them to save for something they want.
41. Let them know they are a valuable member of the family.
42. Ask them questions about their day.
43. Eat dinner together as often as possible (with no TV).
44. Let them prepare dinner for you.
45. Let them “teach” you what they are learning in school.
46. Hug them.
47. Don’t try to fix everything for them.
48. Ask them for help (household tasks, projects, etc).
49. Surprise them – let them know they are special to you.
50. Tell them you love them – often.

I would love to know your thoughts…  Please drop a line in the comments section.